Lessons that we must learn from the Me Too Movement in India

 

The Me Too movement brought to light the dark side of the film, media and entertainment industry. The courage that Tanushree Datta showed to speak up about the sexual harassment and the harrowing incidents that she faced gave other people the guts to speak up as well and the fact that the media channels are supporting the people who have been wronged shows that times are about to change. However, we have a long way to go as there are still a huge amount of people who shame the victim and make insensitive comments and try to prove that the victim is at fault somehow.

Respect People – Sex is an act of love and asking people sexual favours in return for a role or forcing yourself on people, or sharing indecent pictures shows that you don’t know how to respect people. As a society, we have to instill the value of respecting people and not seeing them as sexual objects to our children, the youth, and some older people as well. There is an urgent need to invest on awareness on this issue. Workshops, seminars in which they teach respect for the opposite gender needs to be conducted in schools, colleges and the entire society, actually.

Listen to the victim – Making a person feel uncomfortable at their workplace creates an hostile environment for them and they may have to give up a project for no fault of theirs and this is a serious cause of concern. Only a person who has been sexual assualted or harrassed knows what they have been through and when they don’t get the right kind of support from their friends, family and the media it can crush their spirit. So, instead of blaming the victim, without any evidence, listen to them and help them and stand by them.

Keep the power trip in check- When people get succesful, the fame, name and money can get to their heads, but they should know that you cannot use people for your personal pleasure and the laws should be strict enough so that the victims can speak and nobody dares to do such a thing.

Create responsible content – It is sad that a lot of pop culture today, has cases of violence against woman and glorifies sex and sexual relationships and doesn’t shy away from showing characters that will go any lengths( such as telling lies, cheating on their spouses, sex without consent and rape) just for one night of fun. The kind of porn videos that are available online also have some forceful sex videos, which are sex without consent and as we know that what we watch can have an affect on our mind, I think that it is the need of the day that people who make such content think responsibly.

It is not okay – I have a few friends who are trying their hand in the film industry and when they tell me that things like sexual harrasment and abuse is common in the film and media industry and about the manipulative people that have made a name for themselves it is a huge shock and it is scary. Sexual harrassment should not be tolerated in any workplace and if anyone dares to misbehave with someone, it should be reported at a platform where they will get a voice and there should be strict consequences.

Let’s hope that this movement brings a huge change in the mindset and people learn how to respect each other. It is important that each and every person in the society feels safe and it is high time that the people in charge do something about it.

 

Don’t Sleep and Drive!

 

Any normal young adult will be elated if they get a car as their birthday present and so was I, until I realized what a bad driver I was! My trainer was the most patient man I have ever seen because he tried his best for months, but I still sucked. I slightly brushed people’s cars because I could never judge how much distance the car needs to go past another vehicle, I dashed a rickshaw once, the car kept stopping at intervals because I would just not get the right amount of pressure I needed to apply at the clutch or sometimes I would just forget to adjust the gears. I would panic so much in narrow roads that my driving teacher would tell me that he will drive on that road. Everytime it was a new and creative mistake. However, the most horrible one was the one during the monsoon season last year(that is the year 2017). There was a lot of traffic and I had to press the break of the car after every two seconds. After a point, I felt so sleepy that I closed my eyes. However, the sound of a horn woke me up and I saw that I had to move my car further. Somehow my car was ahead, but before I knew it it bumped into the car of the person ahead because my eyes had closed again and I kept driving the car, so I didnt realize that it was time to break again. I thank my stars that I and everyone else on the road that day was safe. I am so scared after that day, I don’t drive anymore and probably that’s good for me and for a lot of people.

I am sure alot of people say that they can sleep anywhere, but have you slept while driving a freaking car? No right! I wish driving was as easy as sleeping is. Thank god for Ola and Uber.

“Sex is a Need”, they say!

In school I learnt that food, clothing, and shelter are the basic needs of life. We were also told that education is equally necessary because people need to have some basic training to be able to have all of the above. Also proper living conditions and some other things are important for a healthy life. However, nowdays when I hear a lot of people,who are in my age group, lets say people between 20-30(I don’t know what people beyond this age group are saying) say that sex is a need, it makes me wonder! Is anyone going to die if they don’t get sex? I don’t think so. It is an activity that gives people pleasure, but it is not a need. So, ofcourse by all means go ahead and do it if you”ll are both consenting partners. But using it as an excuse to sleep with someone that you don’t care for or just be in a relationship because you get to do the dirty makes you a classic jerk who is taking advantage of someone else for their own pleasure and that justifying it with the ‘need statement’.

Also, I do not understand the need everyone has to discover their friend’s personal(read sexual) life I do not think it is okay for friends to ask their friends whether they have had sex with their partner or how many women/men they have scored.(Unless ofcourse, the friend wants to tell you) You can call me boring but I feel it is utterly degarding and disresptful.

I see this happening a lot at workplaces, where someone thinks it’s okay to send an indecent video to a colleague or to get her to open up about her sex life. It is horrible that some people are so sex-obssessed that they don’t realize their mistake. Many a homes have also broken because of this addiction that some people have. It is crucial for such people to realize what a grave mistake they are making for few moments of thrill seeking.

I was also shocked to discover that some people stoop so low that they even want to watch child pornography. At such times it makes me sad to think about the times that we are living in.

 

 

My amusing train journey

I am a frequent commuter of the Mumbai local trains, but most of the time I watch something on my phone or read during my travel time and I rarely know what is happenning around me( yes even though the trains are overcrowded), but today I decided to observe my co-passengers and I was surprised at the daily dose of fun that I am missing. I saw a lady who was catching the railings, where you keep your bags, with both her hands as if she was Basanti from the movie ‘Sholay’, someone was playing old songs loudly and woman couldn’t stop staring at the bag that she kept on the shelf above because she thought that she would forget it.

However, there was a lady,who had with wrinkled lines all over her cute face, and she caught my attention the most. I guess you figured out that she was old. She smiled at me and then began to nod her head. I wondered if she was using this mysterious gesture to tell me something. After a while, more passengers boarded the train and she repeated the same procedure with them. Then, she began complaining. She related how much she had struggled and everyone gave her a few glances but didn’t engage with her for a long time. Obviously, no one wanted to encourage her to dwell on the problems of the past. I think she felt  good to tell her story. She wanted other people to sympathize with her, to let everyone know that she has had a hard life and she has survived it.

I did pity her, but it made me wonder though do such people use someone, some circumstance or sistuation as an excuse for their life being tough and never being able to overcome them? Do they constantly blame and accuse life/people of being tough, not fair. In no way I am trying to say that her suffering was not painful or she should not crib about it. We all have some moments when we do and I hope ethat it was occassional for her too. But for some people these thoughts are not once in a while. They occur everyday and they become a victim. If you have such thoughts, I urge you to relaize that these are just thoughts and situations and no situation or person can make you life worse without you letting them do it. Observe those thoughts, but don’t let them consume you. Move forward by focusing on what you can do to change your life. After all, no one wants to end up old and wrinkled and complaining to strangers about how bad life has been to them.

The Indian touch to western outfits

As Indians we definetly have a lot of Indian jewelry lying around the house, which we use on rare ocassions like weddings and Indian festivals. But what if we started pairing it with our Western outfits? Not only will it give you a funky look, but also your accessories will be utilised to the maximum. So, let me show you how to nail this look.

1. Jhumkas

Everyone knows that Jhumkas truely accentuate the look of Indian attires and goes extremely well with kurtis and pyjamas, but they also look fabulous with western wear.

 

2. Bindis

Bindis, of all sizes and colours, can instantly brighten up your neutral outfit. That is why, I choose to wear a big, bright, red-coloured bindi with my black jumpsuit.

3. Bangles 

Taking a cue from the Bengali women who wear huge red and white bangles with their western clothes after marriage, I decided to go for this look.

 

4. Payal(Indian Anklet) 

A lot of young Indian women already do this, but this is my version of it.

5. Mangtika(An ornament for the forehead)

This intricate piece of jewerly really enhanced the look of my outfit.

It’s that simple to create this look, but it does require some guts. So, get your bold on and try it out.

 

 

 

My experience of watching Vagina Monologues.

Vaginas. They fascinate everyone and everyone seems to have an opinion about vaginas and even women seem to talk about other women’s vaginas and what they should do with them. So when an author decided to ask women the experiences that they have because they have a vagina and perform it as a play, it was pure genius.

I watched the Indian adaptation of the play Vagina Monologues that I have wanted to watch since a long time, at Laughter Canvas Club in Lower Parel on Saturday, 26^th May, 2018 and I am so glad, I did! I was awed by the actors who kept switching roles and play each part to perfection. The women start with their experiences and the funny things that they have experienced during sex. They play characters who belong to various regional cultures with ease and it makes it so relatable to us Indian audiences. The play also talks about sensitive and hard-hitting issues in the form of stories that will make you cry and force you to think about them.

The lighting was perfect and hit each other at the right time and also went off at the right time. They kept it interactive by asking the audience to respond at certain parts, keeping the audience hooked and involved. The only complaint that I have is that I felt it got over too soon! Wished it was longer.

If you also want to have a great one and a half hour, you can book your tickets on BooKMyShow. It will be performed again on  the 9th, 10th and 23rd and 24th of June.

Wine, Cheese, and the heat!

 

I am in a crowded train, where I am balancing the weight of my body on one of my foot, listening to abuses and fights of ladies, and trying to eat snacks, that my friends carried, without falling. So, let me tell you how I landed in this situation. A group of friends and I decided to go to Sula Vineyards in Nashik. We wanted to take the trip in the cheapest way possible and it was a last moment plan. So, we got our general class tickets of Tapovan Express to Nashik from Borivali and caught the train at around 6.30. We reached Nashik at approximately 10.30, ate breakfast at the first restaurant that we could find and proceeded to take a local cab that charged us 1,400 for dropping us to Sula and then waiting for us for four hours and dropping us back to Nashik station. As soon as you get out of the station, there are an array of vehicles that are willing to take you wherever you want.

 

We were excited as we entered the place and walked to the huge lane with welcoming signs. The vineyards on the left side, quirky decor, music playing in the background make for a lively environment and even though it was humid and hot, we were full of energy and were excited. We went to the gift shop from where one can buy their tickets for the wine tour. We were shown the machines, where the grapes are crushed. Then, we were taken in the tank hall, where the wine is stored in a huge tank, and we were explained the process of making wine. The wine barrels were the next thing that we saw. Then, came the much awaited wine-tasting session, which everyone thoroughly enjoyed. We were given four of the finest Sula wines and we learned how to drink wine with style and elegance.

After all the knowledge that our minds that grasped, we were hungry and headed to Soma, the beautiful and cute restaurant at Sula. We had a delicious pasta and pizza. Later, we clicked a million pictures and went to another restaurant in Sula that has a beautiful view of the wineries and serves only snacks and wine. We had a fun conversation over wine and felt like very sophisticated and poised ladies.

That was the end of our beautiful trip. Hoping this makes you want to go there as well.

 

Ciao! Till my next trip.

Why you feel dead all the time?

Feeling sleepy after you just wake up? After you eat? While you are commuting? While work? Basically all throughout the day? Many us have more than enough to eat and considering that the body takes energy from food shouldn’t we be more active and energetic?

I attended a workshop conducted by Ojas lifestyle and learned that we do not need the huge amounts of food we eat. We eat a lot of food because we find it tasty and our mind seeks pleasure. Our bodies get most of the energy from sleep. And we need to eat only for the nutrition, that is the minerals and victims and those we get from plants and fruits. Our body needs five elements from nature. Today most of us are feeding our bodies excess earth element through food. But one of the important elements is space and there needs to be space in our body and that can happen only when our tummies are not overloaded with food. The speakers also mentioned how an alive seed only grows, but when you cook food, the food is killed, so they recommend that we eat uncooked vegetables. There are a variety of recipes available online and there are a lot of ways you can make raw food tasty.  Your organs have to work extra when you eat extra and that makes you sleepy. That‘s why traditionally farmers would sleep after having food. Also, their lifestyle that had a lot of physical activity supported the cooked food that they had, but in today’s modern world there are some changes that need to happen. 

Many researchers recommend the raw diet. However, there are some precautions that you have to take while following this diet. Make sure you have green juice in the morning, which can be made from any green leafy vegetables, lemon juice, and ginger. The fibers of the juice have to be removed through a muslin cloth as it will be easy to digest the first thing in the morning and you will absorb the direct minerals and vitamins. Then after an hour you can have fruits and vegetables. For lunch, sprouts and vegetables will do. You can have carbohydrates at night, but eat more of the vegetable. It should be in the ratio of 20:80. You can have juices throughout the day. 

I just tried the diet for two days, and I am feeling so energized and light. I do not feel drowsy like I did most of the times before.

 

Mothers and Daughters

 

Mother’s Day is around the corner and as I was searching for a gift that I could buy for my mother, I was thinking of the things that my mother has done for me over the years. She always ensured that I ate well, reached home safely and tried her best to motivate me to learn new things. Flashbacks of the fights that we had and keep having come to my mind and I remember how she never hesitated to correct me, even though she knew I would hate her for it. I feel blessed to have a mother who is so caring, loving, and supportive and I thank the almighty from the bottom of my heart for this.

There are times when my mother says illogical things and I want to bang my head against the wall because I cannot understand how people can have such ideas. When I was younger , she would stop me from going somewhere and I would get some angry and feel that she is not allowing me to grow and she is the biggest pain in my life. Sometimes she refuses to speak to me for days and I refuse to speak to her as well. If this happens with you and your mothers as well then I urge you to let the anger dissolve after some time. Even though your mother may have said hurtful things, the truth is that there could be no one in the world that loves you more than your mother and maybe she needs to learn how to better communicate her feelings and let go of her negativity, but like one of my best friends told me that our parents have been through tough situations and they do not want their children to go through the same, so the things that they say may feel negative, but they are just trying to protect you.

There are many people who feel that their mothers did not really love them, did not give them time, or always hurt them when they were kids. Some of them have to analyze whether it was true because sometimes we compared our mother’s to our friends mothers and wanted them to give us the time that some parents could afford to give their children when they were young. If you feel that they hurt you by some of their actions, delve into them and decide to forgive them. No one is perfect. Everyone is learning and your mother is growing with you. That was the only way she could behave then, so it is high time, you get over your childhood bruises and stop seeing your mother as the same women who hurt you ten years ago over a small issue.

There are some people; however, who genuinely have evil and rejecting mothers and who put them down. I pray that you all have strength and not brood over what you have done wrong. To you, all I can say is that forgive them, but do not maintain a relationship with them. There’s no need to keep in touch with such people, even if they are your parent.

Those of you who’s mother has passed away or who never had a mother, you can consider any lady who is kind to you, for example your friend’s mother to be your mother, after all relations are not only through blood.

Gift recommendations for my mom are welcome.

Living By Yourself: An experience I would encourage everyone to have.

I decided to move to a paying guest house for sometime so that I would get the experience of staying alone, save time, and become independent. Although it was a not a very pleasant experience, it did teach me a lot, which is why I would encourage everyone in their twenties to move out of their parents house and stay by themselves even if its for just a few months. While this is very common in the west, it is not very common in India and our parents will probably throw a fit, but explaining to them why it is important for your growth is important and I am sure if you make up your mind, they will be happy to let you grow.

Here are some things that I learnt from staying alone.

1. Staying and dealing with people who you have never met before and who are very different from you. 

This is probably the toughest part and I was blessed with roommates who had brains that were the size of a pea. You will be very disappointed when your idea of  perfect roommates, like Rachel and Monica or Joey and Chandler from Friends, who you can chill with and who support you are shattered. People are different and most of the time your timings, schedule, way of thinking, hygiene habits do not match and that creates a lot of problems. People who you live with may create issues about you getting your friends over, have a very narrow perspective to life, like the girl that I lived with had. To quote her “people who drink alcohol and smoke up are not from good families and my mother already told me not to stay with a catholic girl”. But then you learn that people have different ways of thinking and you are no one to judge them. You let go and thank heavens that you are blessed enough not to have narrow minds like them.

2.  Handling Finances 

There is a lot of things that you have to take care of all by yourself now. Rent, light bills, gas bills, grocery, etc, etc and while this may seen overwhelming at first and you may question yourself as to why you moved out in the first place, but when you finally manage to do it all, you will be proud of yourself.

3. Feeling Grateful 

You will realize that your parents take care of many things for you and that you take most of the things for granted. You will be thankful that they worked hard to provide for you and gave you the best of whatever they could.

4. Learning

When we live at home, everything is done for us, so we do not bother learning even the most basic things. I learned to cook when I moved out and I am really happy about it because I finally learned this important survival skill. You also learn to keep your things safely, not spend a lot of time in the bathroom, and stand up for yourself.

Many of us youngsters think that it is impossible to do other things like cook, clean, and exercise with our job, but when you shift you can stay at a place near your house, save a lot of time and work on being a multi-tasker and having a balanced life. Wishing you all the luck, if you do decide to take the big step, I am sure you will slay.